Sink Your Expectations for Titanic 666 (2022) Even Further Than You Anticipated
Title: Titanic 666
First Non-Festival Release: April 15, 2022 (Digital/Streaming Platforms)
Director: Nick Lyon
Writer: Jacob Cooney, Jason White
Runtime: 91 Minutes
Starring: Keesha Sharp, Jamie Bamber, Lydia Hearst, AnnaLynne McCord
Where to Watch: Check out where to find it here
Nearly 110 years after the tragedy of the Titanic, a swanky cruise line decides to revitalize the brand with their maiden voyage of the Titanic III. They plan on sailing through the exact spot where the Titanic sank so they can pay their respects while making a considerable amount of money with their passengers. Captain Celeste Rhoades (Keesha Sharp) leads a team of capable crew members alongside a private security force led by Brian Andrews (Joseph Gatt). Their team is commited to providing the best experience for all on board including influencers Mia (AnnaLynne McCord) and Jackson (Derek Yates) as well as Professor Hal Cochran (Jamier Bamber) who has his impressive display of Titanic memorabilia on display. Their plans of smooth sailing, however, are dampened by the arrival of a mysterious woman (Lydia Hearst) with a personal vendetta against the ship and its passengers.
A woefully boring trashterpiece, Titanic 666 sinks under the weight of its lofty ambitions due to terrible writing, acting, and direction.
Going into a movie titled Titanic 666 requires the viewer to have tempered expectations with what they are about to experience. It isn’t meant to be high art, but instead inspire some laughs and cheap thrills. One expects this from a variety of specific studios, The Asylum being one of the main culprits of direct to tv garbage. On the rare occasion, they have the ability to turn the bizarre into something entertaining. Unfortunately, there is not much to write home about regarding this dull exercise in bargain bin cheapness.
Unfocused in its story, Titanic 666 jumps around from passenger to crew man without regard for a coherent narrative. The first forty minutes spends much of the film’s time getting to know the mildly abrasive influencer couple before a few second act surprises appear to steer the story back to the supernatural. There is no mystery about the danger presented by Idina which dissolves the tension instantaneously. Her presence on the ship is mostly laughable considering her only role is to set the curse into motion to doom the vessel. The narrative switches back and forth in the finale between the professor, security expert, and captain before sinking into obscurity.
If it isn’t meant to be good, is it at least enjoyable? The answer is mostly no. Aside from some hilariously awful dialogue, the film is mostly tedious in its approach to horror. Hideously rendered computer generated ghosts dispatch cardboard characters one by one in outdated jump cut flash sequences. The kills aren’t even interesting with one exception taking place during the ship’s evacuation sequence. Apparitions use their newfound power to suck the life out of their intrusive guests for 90% of the film. It is repetitive and dull, hardly inspiring of fear or comedy.
The performances make it even more grating. Nearly every actor is phoning it in whether they are playing straight or hamming it up for the camera. Perhaps this comes from the severe lack of character development afforded to entire crew, but that excuse doesn’t hold much water when the cast can barely keep the most mundane of scenes above water. The sole bright spot is AnnaLynne McCord in her role as Mia. One of the few nuanced approaches to characters, McCord plays up the obnoxious influencer role only when on her livestream before dropping into a more diluted version of herself. It’s a nice touch for a character that could have easily been played as solely irritating for the entire venture.
Titanic 666 appeals to a certain kind of movie watcher that knows what to expect when they hit play. The general public will more than likely not appreciate what The Asylum is doing with this Tubi collaboration. Setting aside the questionably goofy concept, the film is nonstop terrible in writing, direction, acting, special effects, and general execution. If you can handle the mundanity of this un-spirited adventure in horror comedy warts and all, then Titanic 666 might be for you.
Overall Score? 3/10